[When I Knew I Was Ready to Be a Mom]

Friday, November 4, 2011

If you knew me just a little over 6 months ago, I was, quite frankly, almost a different person.
I spent almost 2 hours a day in traffic.
I ate out for lunch almost every day.
I wore black pants and dressy blouses and heels almost daily and took the elevator up to the 4th floor to my office.
I worked with a great boss and was surrounded by powerful executives.
I got to go to Cabo & Puerto Vallarta twice on business trips.
And I really disliked almost every second of it.
Well, the corporate end of it. Not the free margaritas :) I was stressed, frazzled, exhausted, and unhappy.

I am not a "corporate" kind of girl. I wanted to be.
But I didn't really know it until I got out of it.
Like most things in life, it's easy to get comfortable.
And when things have to change, we change. And, in my case, our move from CA to AZ changed everything.
When we moved, it instantly made me unemployed.
I finally got the chance to be what I've always known I was destined to be: a wife & a mom :)

My husband will readily tell you that me being able to be home every day with him is a far better blessing than an extra paycheck (trust me, I'm very thankful for this).
With his schedule like it is, me being able to be at home makes the most sense because if I had a normal 9-5 job I would go weeks on end without seeing him. He also says I'm a nicer person when I'm at home more, and he likes that I can cook him dinner more consistently (haha! Does Mac & Cheese count? ;).

God is so good to have brought me projects and ways to stay creative while I have this extra time. With the exception of missing my family & friends (and the ocean!), I am the happiest I have been in years.

Now, my days are different.
I make lunch at home almost every day.
I wear jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops almost daily.
I usually have to make myself put on makeup and take a shower (wink wink).
I have the time to exercise daily & spend time outside in nature and not in the car stuck in traffic.
I don't go on fun business trips or sit in conference rooms with powerful people, but instead do the mundane chores that must be done & enjoying working from our local coffee shop on my laptop.

I am content.

We had only lived here a few weeks, when Joshua and I started talking about getting a puppy. We'd always wanted one back home, but we'd always lived in apartments where dogs weren't allowed. On a Tuesday night in June, we had dinner with some new friends of ours (our hubby's work together). They had a new puppy. I fell in love with him & asked them if I could steal him :)

NO. But there was one puppy in the litter left.

We went and saw him that night and the next day I went to go pick him up and take him home with me. I have never in my entire life really been an "animal person." I would always make fun of people that had pictures of their dogs on their work screen savers. Now, I wish I could only take back my words. I get it. Never say never, right? :)

This little guy has captured my heart.
His name has a special meaning because it's one of the first street names I saw here in Arizona.
We've had our fair share of scary moments with him. Like the first time I left him alone in the laundry room and he panicked so much that I came home to discover him squeezed back behind the washer & dryer machines covered in lint. And the time he ran down the stairs too fast and started wincing in pain because he hurt his little shins so bad. And the time I rushed him to the ER vet because half the side of his face was swollen because he got bit by a big, mean spider. Oh, and the other day that he face-planted into a cactus.
He's given me so many heart attacks, but so many beautiful moments.
I love waking up to see him sitting there staring at me waiting to go on a walk and all of the times he just curls up in a ball next to me and sleeps. Like I said before, I've never been an animal person.I guess this is just real evidence that I really am a different person these days.I think the Arizona sun has been good for me :)

Having Hartley has given me the weird confidence to know that I'll make a great mother one day when that time comes. I know now that I can keep a real, living, breathing creature alive. And I know when that time comes, the love I feel for my baby will be so much more crazy intense than the wild love I have for this dog. He really did make me ready for motherhood. Can't wait.

Leave a Comment

Abigail said...

Aw, I love this!

Erin said...

Your heart is so sweet and Hart is too stinkin cute! I am so happy you moved to Arizona and that you are loving the new change! :) You're going to be an AMAZING mother hun! love you tons and tons!!

Al said...

Seriously sweetheart, this was just beautiful! Though I have always been an animal person, I had no idea what that truly meant before I got my first puppy, and it felt like I was completely thrust into motherhood! That puppy is almost six years old now, and I absolutely live for him.

I adore your blog sweetie, so fresh, so inspiring. Have a lovely weekend! xoxo


Toaster4JC said...

I love this post! My goodness is Hartley cute! I love him! I'm so glad that you've changed to an animal person. Dogs can bring such joy to our lives!

Kimberly said...

He is adorable! well I am a dog lover and can't resist a dog. Enjoy him - he is so cute.

Aubrey said...

lovely post. adorable Hartley. ;)

Cassie said...

Love this post!

Lindsay said...

You are amazing :) Such a sweet post!

Elle Meyers said...

Your post actually made me tear up. We had a dog that became a child to us. She was part of our family. Her name was Kea (after the store Ikea). I'm sure people thought I was crazy the way we treated her like a baby and part of our family. 3 years ago she got hit right in front of us. In her last breath she dragged herself to my husband's feet, and then died. I've never had a person super close to me die, so this was the hardest death I've ever experienced. Let me just say I understand how quickly a puppy can sneak their way into your heart! Especially if you don't have children, because they take that spot. (Here is a post I wrote on her memorial: http://ellemeyers.blogspot.com/2011/06/3-year-memorial-of-best-dog-ever.html.)

As for your move to Arizona and away from the corporate world, it's amazing how you can refind yourself during that time. I was laid off, so my husband and I decided to move to Houston. It was the best thing that ever happened to me! I love how God knows what we need and leads us in the right direction even when we are clueless!

~ Elle @ Barefoot and Beautiful

holly h. said...

Great post!!

Melu103 said...

that was the cutest little story!

i am dying to have a puppy
but we are not allowed in our
apartments :(

my family always had dogs
around back in Argentina,
so i kinda feel empty here.

One day ill make it happen :)
Your dog is adorable!

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Have a great weekend!!

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Ruthie Hart said...

oh heather this post makes me smile!! You are going to make a wonderful mommy because you are doing a great job with Hartley! And I love his name because it has my last name in it. It is truly amazing how happy animals can make you. So much joy and laughter!

ashley said...

i love this post!! your pup is so cute and i bet you will make the best mommy. :) being a SAHM mommy/wife isn't so bad is it? I was exactly like you - trying to make myself like having a "big girl" job when in reality i was miserable. thank god for these sweet men we have! have a great weekend girl. xoxo

Barbara Mantell said...

Okay- you made me cry.....

Heather, you have no idea the joy I felt as YOUR mom reading this blog today!!! It all makes so much sense. Even though you have never been an animal person.... you have always had a heart desiring to love and nurture others. And now you have been given this opportunity to "practice" that nurturing on Hartley.

You have been working FT since the age of 17-- you were often so tired and burnt out from "problems" at work there was no energy left over for even yourself at the end of the day. I think I had never realized the underground anxiety brewing that you might not make a

GREAT mom.... Darlin'- you are going to be the BEST mom ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it!! I am so proud of who YOU ARE my daughter- not what you DO.

Remember- LOVE IS EVERYTHING!! XXOO mucho.

Frozen.Sunshine said...

Isn't it funny how dogs do that?!
What a cutie, by the way!
Jill&Eric (and Bolo and Zepp too) at Frozen Sunshine

The Soul Anchor said...

Oooooooohhhhhh! I love it! I have a dog and two cats and a little one on the way. I'm currently working right now and contemplating what it would be like to stay at home. I want to, but the finances and making ends meet worries me. I know you didn't fully have a choice because of your move, but what helped solidify these changes in your mind?

Katie said...

Ah Heather! You will be such a good mom!

Elisabeth said...

love this - its beautiful ...thanks so much for sharing!


Stesha said...

you are so precious. I love your little family. I want a doggy but not yet. maybe marriage first?!

happy weekend lovey!!

Classic & Bubbly

nicole said...

i'm a puppymom too. i seriously believe he's preparing me to be a real mom somedays. although i dont know how ill ever love anything more than him :)

Ashley said...

awe, scrolling down to comment i saw your mom commented as well! how sweet is that! i enjoyed the post because it makes me think of what i have to look forward to one day - with this recent move its still kinda hard to get to that "happy place", but reading this post really makes me feel its possible to get there again, to that happpy place - even though my family and friends are soooo far away. great post! and, your puppy is such a cutie! so happy for you girl :)

theolivetree said...

sweet post! I love love love being able to stay home...I can always work later, but i won't be able to make my kids young again.

chelsea {joy} said...

love your heart dear friend. i'm praying for you :) xoxo!

Mr. Taylor and his Lady said...

puppies are the best!! and you'll be the best mother! now get on that so i can leave TONS of comments on how cute he/she is!
xo TJ

Meg {henninglove} said...

ahhh he is darling poor little guy he has had his fair share of scaring his mom already. so glad you are content more with your life, and it is beneficial for your marriage, that is priority number 2 after your relationship with God

Candace Stevenson said...

awh!! Your pup is super cute :) and I know this does prepare you for motherhood in it's own way
Lovely Little Rants

Em said...

So, so very sweet. You'll make a great mom! Cute pics of little Hartley. :)

Jamie said...

I LOVE the beautiful transformation you have taken! It is so crazy to see where we all were 6 months ago compared to now, and I love to see how God is working in and through you beautiful lady!

CMae said...

Having a dog is a great way to prepare yourself for eventually having one day kids. I always tell ppl if you are a serious dog owner and take those responsibilities seriously, then you'll have no problem one day being a parent to a human! (i'm not there yet LOL) As your fur baby does, mine keeps me plenty busy with scares and vet bills but she's my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for anything! :)

Autumn said...

Isn't it great to know we always have the opportunity to change? Sometimes it's so hard to figure that out when we are so distracted or have so much going on.

Thanks for sharing this :)

Heather said...

ohmygoodness. this post made my heart swell. :)

I am a huge dog person. One of those ones with puppies on their screens at work. hehe :) I even have a petblog 4paws4love.com and raise money (over $10,000) for my local SPCA! BIG passion of mine.

Reading this post was just so sweet, and Hartley is so blessed you guys found him.

Not to mention I can relate to just about everything you wrote. I used to want to be "that" executive person. Now I am in the same boat, with my husband telling me to quit my job, that we will do with his paycheck. What a blessing it is to have wonderful men like that.


Michelle (michabella) said...

Arizona is SO SO SO cute!!!!! <3

Lip Gloss and Flip Flops said...

Such a lovely post! xox

The Red Closet Diary said...

I feel the same way about my dog!! I'm not ready to have kids yet but I can see how much love I have for something that won't be even remotely as close to me as a child. I'm learning patience and love and one day that will carry one with my child!

Flor said...

Oh my friend, I loved this post! I used to work in a really fast paced office job (management level) before I had my first. And then my 1st came around and I was forever changed. Now I have 3 little ones and there is NO WAY I'd give this up <3

Katie {katie lately} said...

my life is totally echoing yours! Except we moved TO San Diego, not away. I used to be so unhappy with 2 hours of driving, a professional office job, etc etc. I totally agree with you that sometimes you think you like it til you get away from it :) Simplicity really is best! PS how cool is this post now that you are preggers?!