I don't really think there are enough words to express how incredible this past year has been. Or how one feels on the day before their child turns one. I pray that all birthdays moving forward are not this difficult. For some mothers I know, this birthday is met with much excitement. It's the beginning of toddler-hood. For me, I wish I could say I have just embraced it with all happy thoughts. It has been really hard for me. Perhaps it is the letting go of what has been. Perhaps it is feeling like it happened too fast. Perhaps it is the letting go, the embracing the unknown and accepting that my baby is no longer 9 lbs 3 oz and being placed on my chest for the first time and a small little peanut that sleeps in my arms. Perhaps it is the weaning process (we made it to exclusively breast feeding for ONE WHOLE YEAR!), the crazy hormones (yuck), or all the change going on here (more to come later). She'll always be my "baby," but she is mobile... she is crawling... she is saying words... she is identifying people and places.
This has, by far, been the best year of my life. It has taught me things about myself I never knew existed before. It has taught me how to love unconditionally and how to lose control of things that don't matter and care about what does. No year has ever strengthened me more or taught me to care about what others think less. This year has changed our marriage, for the good. It has made our love grow stronger. It has taught us to cherish our time together when we have it because time is just different now. It has showed us just how strong we are, and how we can get through anything as long as we do it together. The day I laid eyes on Joshua holding our girl for the first time was the day that I fell in love with him all over again. I always knew he would be an incredible daddy, but I honestly had no idea just how amazing. I am so blessed to do life with this amazing man!
This year, ultimately, has shown me a huge glimpse of the enormous love that God has for me. This has been a year of purification-- it has taken the old me, flushed it out and repoured me into a person that cares more and loves deeper. I may have battle wounds from birthing a baby, darker circles under my eyes from less sleep and a little bit more exhaustion in my days, but motherhood has made me care less about the physical and temporary pleasures in this world and more about the heart and the eternal. Only a sweet, tender child does that.
Thank you, God, for the gift of this child! Thank you for 365 days of a healthy, gorgeous baby that wakes up each morning with a big smile.
Thank you for showing Your love for us through her!
I love you, sweet Eden. Thank you for changing my life.
Happy 1st birthday eve!